i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
