There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
is wine microwaveable?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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