how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
