i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
