u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize