You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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