The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
