EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He kissed a someone with a penis
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
