Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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