I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
