She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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