I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize