Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
