I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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