How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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