You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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