i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
