That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
