I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
