Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
