I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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