I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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