Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
