Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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