either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
