shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
