I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize