Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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