Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
