the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
