Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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