I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
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