can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
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think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
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You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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