drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
