Where are you?
In a non slutty way
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
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