I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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