Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
