I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
