There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
