i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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