Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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