we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This baby is an asshole
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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