just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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