no. you can't hotbox the world.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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