We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
