i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
