I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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