Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
