College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
