Rock
Scissors
Fuck
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
