just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize