college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
