I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
