You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
