I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
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If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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