So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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