no, he came in my armpit
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
