just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
