Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
