Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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