3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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