Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
