My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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