When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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