I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
