I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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