your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
