I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
