You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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