Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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