And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
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I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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