new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We're too hungover to prance.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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