how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
